i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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