just tell him i said nine months
I don't think brook has ever known best
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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