everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
