We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
