She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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