i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize