For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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