I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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