it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
