you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
