i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
