I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize