I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
