wanna go halves on a baby?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
