ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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