Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
