I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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