Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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