I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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