Buhtt sex?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
