I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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