So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
