Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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