forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
