puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize