It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
