i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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