You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
