Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
