I wish I could punch you in the face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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