I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize