question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
