i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize