two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
