I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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