it hurts more in the daytime
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize