My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
