is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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