I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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