why didn't you poke me back
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
