You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
