Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
