Don't you send me to vm
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
