i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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