i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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