Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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