i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
