thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
