the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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