Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
