the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
