i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
