I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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