it was like his penis was on wheels.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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