margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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