just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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