Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
