Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
