she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
