weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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