Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
