I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
BRING THE BAGELS
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
