Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
