I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
