i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
accomplished twins. life is a go
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
