Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
