capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
