he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
