At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
