a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
