Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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