Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
