Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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