If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
