and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
