We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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