You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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