Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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